Straight men get a lot of shit for behaving in ways that may not always be as tidy or acceptable when seen from a woman’s perspective. Dishes might pile up. Clothes might go unwashed. The floor may not have been vacuumed for a little longer than socially acceptable – can you tell I’m looking around my apartment while writing this post? – and many times outfits are called into question. Just the other week I was talking to a really good gay guy friend of mine and he was telling me that half of my wardrobe was positively unacceptable for not only my age, but also the era we live in. GREAT. Though this tough love was, well, tough to hear, I’ve concluded that every straight guy needs a gay man’s perspective on the world to be more successful in his personal life.
1. The Best Wingman
Have you ever noticed how much girls LOVE gay dudes? Ladies love gay bars because there’s no creepy, drunk douche who gives us all a bad name by grabbing their asses and hitting on them all night long. However, when you bring your gay buddy out with you, it’s like Joe Jonas just walked into the bar by your side. Women flock to them like tweens to One Direction. It works like this: Girls immediately feel safe around gay men. This leads to your gay friend introducing you to his new lady-friends AFTER he’s gotten their guard down a bit. Then, you swoop in for the kill & use your charm to draw them in.
2. They’ll Tell You How To Dress
Apparently cargo shorts aren’t a thing anymore? Wanna know how I know? Because I’m constantly reminded of the pairs I have hanging in my closet when said gay friend reminds me that they’re a hot mess on my legs. (Little does he know that I’m just waiting ’til they came back in style, as all fashion does) Point is, many gay men know about current trends and what looks attractive on other men. I like to consider myself well-dressed, but every guy needs help now and again. Gays can tell you what makes men look attractive, and thus, what women will find attractive on you. It’s brilliant.
3. Cleaning Tips
Maybe it has nothing to do with my sexuality and more-so my laziness, but whenever I walk into my gay friend’s apartment I’m reminded that I should probably be the next subject of Hoarders compared to his living situation. HOW DO THEY KEEP IT SO CLEAN??? Everything has its place! If you have a lady coming over that night for a sexy-time rendezvous, or if she’s just seeing your apartment for the first time, your gay friend can offer some tips on how to make your spread more appealing.
4. Dancing Lessons
They’ll teach you how to bust a move on the dance floor so you don’t roll up to the club looking like this…
I apologize that this might be a complete stereotype, but many gay guys I’ve encountered have been blessed with the god-given trait of brutal honesty. Many don’t have filters, and in turn use that (sauciness?) to give it to you straight (pun intended). They use their harsh opinions to steer you in the right direction even when you don’t even know it’s the right direction.
Girls have gay-dar and gay guys have girl-dar. What is girl-dar you ask? The divine ability to recognize when a girl is batshit crazy right from the get-go. Because of this “dar”, your gay friend can warn you about who NOT to take home from the bar in fear of her being too clingy, too psychotic, or just to be your conscience to say that the girl you want to bring back to your place is definitely not as hot as the 8 Jaegar shots you did insist she is.
7. No Competition
When you go out with your gay buddy, there’s absolutely no competition, obviously, because you’re both looking for the different things. And if homophobic people give you dirty looks as you walk down the street together, just remember that your gay friend will probably help you get laid that night. After all, what are friends for?