1 In The Kyle Chronicles

UTIs & Celebrity Dating

Kyle Langan & Chappy Dating

Celeb and Match
Both the Hamptons and Hollywood are littered with celebrities, which everyone knows. What everyone might not know, though, is that celebrities are taking to online dating just as voraciously as the rest of us. One Friday morning, as I was routinely swiping through potential suitors on Chappy in an effort to get over Jack, I came across a familiar face. Being an avid TV-watcher of the ’90s (am I dating myself?), I recognized the guy as an actor on my all-time favorite TV show.


I’ve never swiped right faster. And to my amazement, I matched with him. I kind of couldn’t believe it, but only an hour after messaging him my go-to “hey, how’s it going?”, he responded. After some witty and playful banter that had me smiling to my phone screen (he was just as humorous in person as he was on the small screen), we decided to throw caution to the wind and meet up that very night for cocktails at a rooftop bar at 6:30pm. I was excited.

Was I Going to Lose My Penis?
However, a phone call from my doctor after my 1:00pm hike that same day brought my excitement to a screeching halt. He notified me that I had a UTI.

A what? Was that and STD? Was my penis going to fall off? Did I need a paramedic?

It definitely was not the news I was expecting, nor wanting to hear, but as soon as I hung up, I literally bolted out of my favorite smoothie bar, sans smoothie, and sped my way to Urgent Care to get treated. I couldn’t possibly go on a date with an infected urinary tract! The horror. I mean, could you imagine??

After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, my doctor finally called me in for treatment. By this time, my date with the 90’s TV star was looming and I knew I was going to be late. I was going to be the LA asshole who arrives to a rendezvous an hour late. Awesome. Once again, after my mother load of antibiotics, I dashed home, showered quickly, and tried to wipe the paranoid look off my face that I was currently contaminated. Would he be able to tell? Could he see through me? What if he knew I was hiding something?

Two Vodka Collins’ Later…
I arrived to EP & LP ONLY 45 minutes late, and I have to give the guy props, because I would have been SO agitated upon finally seeing someone arrive so tardily, but he was perfectly pleasant – and dare I say intimidated (?)

We had two vodka collins’ each and talked about work – and no, if you’re wondering if I brought up the fact that I recognized him, I absolutely DID NOT – family, the craziness of LA dating, and more.

When it was time to bid each other adieu, we exchanged cordial hugs and promised to see each other again soon. it was a perfectly fine date and while I wasn’t sure we’d see each other again, he was definitely someone that I wanted to remain friendly with at least. Plus, I was thrilled to see that Chappy was taking off so nicely. As it started to gain traction in LA, notable influencers were taking note and trying the app out for themselves. So the next time you start swiping, keep your eyes peeled for your favorite TV heartthrob.

Did the date completely help me get over Jack? Of course not. It didn’t help that he was texting me throughout it. But I realized that for the two hours of my date, I wasn’t thinking about him. And if I was, he wasn’t at the forefront of my mind as per usual. And as much as it devastated me to admit it, I knew I needed to keep him there; away from my everyday thoughts. It killed me, because I missed him so incredibly, mind-numbingly much, but the only way to move on, to respect what he wanted, was distance. Thank god I had Chappy to help me through it.

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1 Comment

  • Reply
    August 16, 2017 at 6:42 pm

    OMG this is so one of those stories that is funnier in hindsight, but glad it was all taken care of and turned out to be a fun date.

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