This just in: breaking up still sucks. It has sucked since the beginning of time, and will continue to suck each time you realize the person of your dreams actually isn’t “the one”.
The problem is, especially if you and your old significant other have mutual friends, when you go your separate ways your lives overlap. Maybe your friends have to divvy up time between the two of you, maybe you still go to the same gym as your ex, maybe you still have a relationship with their families – are you just supposed to cease all forms of communication immediately and stop everything cold turkey?
If you can, kudos. But if you can’t, and you know you’re bound to see your ex out and about, there are some things to remember to keep yourself mentally stable and healthy.
1. You Have to Constantly Let Go
Princess Elsa said it best. And she was right. You have to constantly let go of old ideas about who that person is and how you remembered your relationship together. You have to let go of old resentments; holding a grudge is just for people who put bitterness at a premium – and in the Hamptons and Hollywood, ain’t nobody got time for that. You even have to let go of FUN memories you and your ex had together – at least for the time being – so it’s a little easier to get over them. Shift your thinking about those blissful memories to how they shaped your life in the long-run instead of how they strengthened and built your old relationship.
2. You Have to Keep the Big Picture in Mind
If you once loved your ex enough to build a relationship with them, then you have to focus on what you still love and respect about them no matter what. That includes respecting them enough to take any necessary time apart that you both may need to heal before you can go back to seeing them on the reg. You have to remember what’s beautiful about your ex lover and recognize that again, only this time outside of your relationship, so you can see them in a different perspective. They’re going to be in your life no matter what, so you have to ensure that it’s with as little acrimony as possible.
3. You Have to Put Yourself First
You must must must do what is the best for you in these trying times – and that might be hard, because what’s best for you may not be what’s best for them. Spoil yourself with “me” time and get to know the person you are without your best friend. However, don’t go wild and crazy and don’t make rash decisions either because even if that seems like a good idea when you’re three tequilas deep, you’re going to regret it later, and regret is not something you want to add to your already emotionally-heavy plate.
It’s fucking hard. And it sucks. And no one wants to do it. And it is a battle EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
But, at the end of the day, you’re making a choice to handle the situation as amicably as possible. And that’s what break-ups are all about: choices. You either make a choice to let someone go, or you have to accept someone’s choice when they say they want to be without you. As long as you’re happy with your choices at the end of the day, the better you will feel about how everything will turn out.