When out East, there are many colorful characters. From salty Long Island locals to imprudent Manhattan socialites to peculiar foreigners navigating the uncharted waters of the Hamptons for the first time. The ladies of the island though, are truly a mixed bunch. You’ve seen them lunching with friends, working in galleries, and jetting down Montauk Highway in outrageously expensive vehicles. But who are they really? The housewives of the Hamptons can be defined in five particular archetypes…
The Southampton Heiress
A longtime member of the Hamptons social scene, this woman is supremely beautiful, but almost seems bored by the East End, though she would shudder to think of spending an entire summer elsewhere. Bred in the finest prep schools and having “married up”, this Hamptons aficionado only frequents the finest eateries and loves a good charity event, where she might even be surprisingly stringent in her spending. Hobbies include spa days, lunches, playing tennis, and of course, shopping.
The East Hampton Celebrity
Though she may be just as wealthy as the Southampton heiress, the EH moviestar is double the fun. Sure she may be seen sneaking out of Della Femina through the back to escape paparazzo flashbulbs, but she has a smile on her face the whole time and loves chatting up the locals. The Hamptons are her escape from Hollywood, so don’t be surprised if you find her donning oversized sunglasses and a straw hat at the Amagansett Farmer’s Market before grabbing lunch at a nearby café. And what’s even better? She throws the BEST parties. Ask around and you’ll probably know a friend of a friend that’s been invited, so ask them for a +1.
The Hamptons artists probably live in Montauk or Sag Harbor and are some of the most creative women you’ll meet on Long Island. Most likely liberal in their lifestyle choices, they’re genuine, fun-loving, and somehow sell incredible pieces of artwork for wayyy more than they’d sell for anywhere else in the country; the Hamptons are a hotbed for the arts, after all. They paint, sculpt, and shoot because they love it, not for the money nor the fame. And what’s more, they always seem to be AMAZING cooks and have a cool personality (they might be munching on some delta 8 gummies to relieve some stress sometimes). Spot these lovable ladies because of their worn out flip-flops and casual attire that may look mediocre, but keep in mind their outfits probably cost as much as your first car.
This woman of society might just be everyone’s favorite because she’s just the nicest. Always smiling, she knows everyone’s name and you’ll bump into her everywhere you go. A big patron of art institutions like Guild Hall, she donates her time to only the best causes she truly believes in while her husband is solidifying deals on the green at Maidstone. Some can’t tell if she’s absolutely clueless or merely perpetually happy, but her charisma and optimism are infectious and as soon as you meet her, you’ll want to be best friends. Her downfall? She’s completely out of touch with reality. Asking her how much a gallon of milk costs would stress her out so much, she’d be reaching for a Xanax.
The Second Wife
This girl is usually at odds with someone like the Southampton Heiress because she’s married to her ex financier husband. Probably in her early thirties, this ex-model or PR professional “fell in love” while out last summer in a Share House with her old sorority sisters and is now married to the man of her dreams…no matter what his age might be. Gold Digger you say? That term is in poor taste. After all, the girl has beauty, a body, and enough brains to make a man fall in love with her, so we have to give her credit. She’s perfectly nice, but she’s always trying too hard; either laughing too loudly at a joke or dressed too scantily for a backyard barbecue. She’s probably not all that familiar with Hamptons etiquette, but hey, she’s trying. She’ll get there eventually. At least we hope so…
Which of these babes have you come across?