I’m gonna get real for a second because I always think it’s better to be self-deprecating than a pompous, my-shit-doesn’t-stink twerp; I have earwax issues. It’s one of the many things, like emerald eyes and chiseled features, that I inherited from my wondrous artist father. There are two types of earwax in the world: the WET and the FLAKY. You’re kidding yourself if you think you don’t have one of the two. The wet tends to be more of a brownish color, but can easily be wiped away with Q-tips. The flaky is much less discrete, comes out in pieces, but can harden easily and cause blockage. I, of course, have flaky. Also, I must also point out that I haven’t had any problems since last year when the doctor had to LITERALLY DRILL IT OUT of my head with a glorified water cannon. An ear douche, I called it. Anyway,…

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