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Spin Doctor

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I think I might be on a fitness kick. I’m down with eating healthy, pilates has become an old hat, the gym is becoming more of a frequent place for me to hang, and I’m motivated to look as best as humanly possible; I guess that’s what California living does to you (?) Add spinning to my list of new physical activity and you can view more about it from this post. Yes, I’m talking spinning, the crazy cycling class everyone has at least HEARD thanks to the blaring house music, screaming people, and sweaty smells that permeate each gym and/or studio. For some reason all these things appealed to me and I wanted to try it. The deafening techno-pop music wasn’t an issue because I used to work at Abercrombie, the screaming people would hopefully be drowned out, so it was just the dank sweatiness I had to overcome.…

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Loud Lovin’

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I just read an interesting article about how people who live in apartment buildings, or in close quarters with others, should not be embarrassed to have loud sex. I, however, disagree.I have interesting neighbors. Two of the kindest lesbians you’ll ever meet live just feet away (and refer to themselves as “old dykes” – a title I’ll never be comfortable with); a bearded, night-shift working, chronic pot-smoking, Bud Light loving man named Ike (alias) who keeps to himself isn’t far away; and the newest of the group, Karen (alias), a red-headed, big bootied, chihuahua obsessed lady who lives right above me moved in a few months back. And it was Karen that I heard having the most outrageous sex known to mankind.Now listen, I’m no prude, but Karen is upwards of 50, and she’s not especially easy to look at. If we’re going off outward appearances alone, I’d say she…

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15 Things Cruel Intentions Taught Us

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Cruel Intentions, the ’99 film that gave us a corseted Sarah Michelle Gellar in one of her best performances, the FIRST look into the Upper East Side (I’m talking to you Gossip Girl lovers), a look attrue love, manipulation, games, and bad-ass teenagers with too much money, was not only a cult classic, but a great film overall. And, dare I say, it was highly educational. Here’s what we learned from this piece of cinema…1. How To Do Coke: I didn’t even know what Kathryn was snorting in the scene at the end, and I didn’t wanna believe it after I found out what it was. However, the girl made cocaine look sexy. (of course, we know, it’s NOT) 2. How To Have Sex: That scene with then-married teen heartthrobs Reese and Ryan? Sweaty, passionate, beautiful love making. I’m a dude and it made my yearn for a relationship that…

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Kyle Balboa

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CURRENT STATE: SORE Derek had a free pass to the UFC gym where he’s a member and told me to check it out with him and his brother, Sean. So I’m amped. At work we TRY and do hourly pushups, but lately we’ve kinda been slacking so I was excited to whip myself back into shape. And whipped, I was.As soon as I walked in the gym, I was excited and petrified all at the same time. The trainer, who was my height and basically just one big muscle, wrapped up my hands in tape and gave me some gloves. The gloves were slime green, so obviously we had an unspoken understanding that I’d be channeling my inner Incredible Hulk tonight.Calisthenics were first and we did so many effing lunges I thought my legs were gonna fall off. When it was finally time to punch and kick the bag’s guts…

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Pilates Pirate

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It’s a long story, but I am in fact a member of the Long Beach Jewish Community Center (JCC). And for those of you that know me, no, you’re correct, I am not a Jew. However, because I am a member I get to reap the benefits of the JCC’s workout class schedule and sometime before Christmas I had started going to PILATES EXTREME twice a week. Well, I’m back on the horse…er…mat.It’s important to realize that there is a spin class that goes on in the room my class meets in an hour before we start, so every single time I enter, the windowless room is damp, humid, and smells like a vat of old people sweat. Aren’t your endorphins just pumping already? They even have to bring a maintenance man in after the cyclers leave to MOP THE FLOOR because there’s perspiration everywhere.So I go in, grab a…

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