“I’ll Have a Tall Glass of Zac and the Lunch Mila”

Would you like to know one reason I have been liking L.A. recently? I’ve been told four times in the past three days that I look like Zac Efron. I’m no idiot, Zac is a good-looking guy: all American, wholesome, funny, cute…yeah, just like me.  Sure these observers may have been referring to the teen heartthrob, High School Musical version of the guy who now probably has 10 to 15 pounds of muscle on me, but it’s Zac Efron nonetheless.  Naturally, I’ll take the compliment.

Now I do not know Zac personally, but having seen him appear in interviews, he seems like the kind of guy I would be friends with.  Back in college, I had a friend named Ange who was the first person to pay me the compliment, who, now that I look back on it, was clearly hitting on me because she had a major crush on the guy.  Thanks, Ange, I owe you one.  You called it first.

One customer at Portobello’s, who knows Zac personally from his hometown, said not only were our looks closely resembled, but our personalities too.  Hey, she’s the expert.  Clearly though, she thought the compliment was enough to compensate for my stellar service because the tip she gave me left quite a bit to be desired.

And speaking of Portobello’s, the other day, as the lunch shift was slowly crawling by, two women entered the eatery, one younger and one older.  I did a double take, smiled to myself, and felt butterflies fluttering in my stomach when I realized the younger beauty was Mila Kunis.  Oh yeah.  My day just got better.  I greeted her with the perfect amount of enthusiasm, being sure to make my intentions ambiguous about whether or not I recognized her.  I led her over to her table and in no time at all we were casually chatting and she introduced me to the woman with her, dear old Mom.  Yeah, that’s right, Mila introduced me to her mother.  Eat your heart out Macaulay Culkin.

 Throughout the entirety of their meal, the ladies spoke Ukrainian, so it was impossible to eavesdrop on whether they were paying me as much attention as I was paying them.  And naturally, every fiber of my body was wanting to slip in her checkbook my business card or tell her that I was an actor as well, but at the same time, I wanted the opportunity to arise organically and not seem forced so that she would hate me.

Well screw “organic”.

Though we participated in small talk, we failed to establish a warm relationship the way I have with other notable public figures I have waited on.  It probably did not help that three swooning pre-teen girls rushed into the restaurant and asked Mila for a picture, which she apologetically declined, bless her heart.  I thought it was nice she put her mama first.  It’s okay though, Mila, one day when we are co-stars, or on the red carpet, or even presenting an award together, I’m totally bringing this moment up to you again.  I can see it now.  We’ll throw our heads back and laugh and promise to have our agents contact each other to set up a “power lunch”.      

But what, pray-tell, is proper etiquette when waiting on celebrities and mentioning my own ambitions for the silver screen?  I want your feedback.  Should I bring it up?  Should I refrain?  My mindset is that I want to be their equal, their peer, so coming off like a crazed fan seems wrong, but at the same time, I do not want to appear uninterested.  Help me, readers.  What would you do?